I admit that I’m not an easy person to shop for. While receiving gifts is one of my top love languages (tied with words of affirmation, following quality time, in case you’re wondering), it’s not just the thought that counts for me. If someone is going to spend their time, energy and money to give me a gift, I want to be sure I’m really going to enjoy it. I do have a handful of friends who are naturally phenomenal gift givers, and also know my tastes and idiosyncrasies intimately enough to surprise and delight me with the perfect gift. My all-time favorite? A watch that doesn’t tell time, instead simply says “now” - hand-assembled by my not-yet-husband (before we even had our first date).
My desire to make the most of every gifting opportunity has led me to shamelessly create and share Pinterest boards, inspirational guides and gift registries typically reserved for those about to get married or give birth - not celebrate their 35th birthday. For my 38th birthday party, I just straight-up asked for money. (Lest you consider me self-centered and self-indulgent, I believe it is also a service to those tasked with gift-giving, to reduce their mental stress and streamline their search.)
Perhaps what makes it hardest to shop for me, is the fact that I am pretty good at gifting myself. I’m only slightly embarrassed that on most shopping trips to pick up a birthday gift for someone else, I come home with something for myself too.
So, in the spirit of the holidays and in pursuit of self-care, please enjoy the Cycle|Breaker Self-Gifting Guide below.
READ
A cross-section of books that have made me feel seen, heard, held and loved. When we know what is perpetuating our negative cycles, we are empowered to break them.
The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N. Aron
An ode to my sensitivities and an invitation to embrace them, rather than apologize for them.
The Highly Sensitive Parent and The Highly Sensitive Child are currently in my cart too.
Quiet and Bittersweet by Susan Cain
I also subscribe to her newsletter and love everything she writes.
The Shift by Melody Godfred
A brilliant structure for a collection of self-love poetry, paired with illustrations. Each set of poems singles out a negative thought pattern or cycle, and replaces it with one of beauty, love and possibility.
Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller
I read it early on in my marriage and had many a “whoa” moment.
All About Love by Bell Hooks
Ugh, it’s just so good. Should be required reading for all.
WATCH
Inside Out on Disney+, YouTube, Amazon Prime, Apple TV, Vudu or Google Play
It’s hard to describe the deluge of emotions I experienced while watching this film for the first time. It is the foundation of what could be a paradigm shifting curriculum for social emotional development. I’ll be watching this with my kids this winter break.
Daniel Tiger on PBS Kids, YouTube, Hulu, Amazon Prime, Apple TV, Vudu or Google Play
What a legacy Fred Rodgers left us. I’m grateful to him and this lovable tiger for providing scripts inspiring secure attachment and setting boundaries with love. Family screen time is one of my favorite ways to gift myself and my children at the same time.
Bluey on Disney+, YouTube, Hulu, Amazon Prime, Apple TV, Vudu, Sling, or Google Play
Everything is better with an Australian accent. Bite-sized episodes are a perfect interlude when everyone needs a reset. Their relatable family dynamic reminds me the opportunity to infuse fun in everyday moments. Plus, I love that my little one has been calling me “mummy” lately.
Ted Lasso on Apple TV+
Screen time that uplifts, inspires and catalyzes deep conversations with my partner. I’m ready to watch all three seasons again.
WEAR
Aside from an annual holiday pajama set, most of my sleepwear and “house clothes” have been tattered sweats and stretched out tanks. Discovering this brand a couple years ago actually changed my relationship with rest. Instead of feeling like a slob, I feel put together and luxurious in my downtime and at bedtime. It’s pricey, but if you tell a bunch of friends to get you a group gift card for your next birthday (like I did for my 40th), your PJ drawer will appreciate the upgrade.
Playful, whimsical jewelry for grown-ups. Her bracelets make me smile and remind me to take myself a little less seriously. And there’s a sale right now!
My friend recently said hats are my “style signifier.” This one accessory gifts me an additional 1-2 days without washing my hair, yet still looking cute. People will tell me they “can’t pull it off,” but you can, I promise.
EXPERIENCE
Movement meets therapy. I take this class 2-3 a month and it brings me such joy. Some of us need a bit more help to get out of our heads and into our bodies. The Class does that. Their digital studio is robust, for those outside of NY and LA.
Dance therapy via a roster of instructors with contagious energy. Each class promotes a very necessary rush of oxytocin. For those outside of LA, even just her Instagram reels give me life.
A community for exceptional women looking to connect with themselves and others. Founded in Brooklyn, they’ve been around for 10+ years, but I went to my first event a couple weeks ago and was super impressed by the women on the panel and in the room at Entrepreneurship in Motherhood. Also, missing bedtime to drive across town to walk into a networking event alone, is a commitment to self and an invitation to possibility.
Inspired and informed by a decade of business consulting and career coaching, I created this immersive experience for women craving a reconnection to their purpose and ambitions beyond motherhood. Gift yourself by registering for our winter workshop, The Reset.
FOLLOW
A true boundaries expert. It was love at first Instagram post.
Clarity, balance and peace of mind, delivered in each post.
Raising Good Humans with Dr. Aliza Pressman
Because my parenting ideals are balanced with the fact that I’m also human.
Good Inside with Dr. Becky Kennedy
Because parenting your children, also means reparenting yourself.
CONNECT
This was actually a gift we received from a friend, last holiday season. A fill-in journal for “kids and their grown-ups,” it’s a great way to connect as a family on road trips, in restaurants and mid-flight. I imagine myself looking through the answers, years from now.
A game of stories by way of cards, created by world-renowned psychotherapist and relationship expert Esther Perel. I love deep conversations, and I have at least six different types of card sets with prompts for kids, families, couples and oneself.
Back to Us
A decade(!) ago, my partner and I created a conscious communication curriculum for couples. An in-person couples retreat is in the works, as an offering from Back to Work(shop). Email jess@jesskimia.com for details!
RECHARGE
Take a solo trip. Anywhere that feels accessible and possible. I cannot recommend this enough. It has been the key to my sanity and my marriage. Next month, I’m gifting myself with three nights in Palm Springs to move, breathe, sleep, write, dream, manifest, restore and recharge. I love multiple nights away, but even blocking one weekday 9AM - 3PM, nourishes me with the solitude I need to reset and return to my family. I know I am privileged to have support from my partner and resources to make this happen, but I’m confident that it’s worth figuring out a way to do whatever version is feasible for you.
Which brings me to…
This Week’s Haiku
Don't bother guessing Doesn't need to be fancy I'll just gift myself
Until next time, give yourself something you really want.
Love,
Jess